Tips on how to overcome your fear of making decisions
Do you dread having to make decisions?
From having to decide what clothes to wear to deciding what you want to do with your life, there are so many small and big decisions we have to make on a regular basis.
When you’re faced with a decision-making situation, what is one of the first things you look for? You probably want to sort through your options, right? If you only had one thing to choose from, most of us would probably find it a little frustrating or limiting. Most of us may options so we can choose the best one. The irony is that while we may want more options to choose from, sometimes the options are what lead to indecision, anxiety about making a decision, or in some situations, not even being able to make a choice at all. Sound familiar?
Some call this analysis paralysis, decision-making anxiety, choice overload, or some variation of the idea that making choices can suck and feel really hard!
Good news is you are not alone in that stuck place of not being able to choose easily and move forward.
I’ll talk about the benefits and challenges of decision-making and how to overcome this sense of paralysis or overwhelm you experience when having to make choices.
The Benefits and Challenges of Decision-Making
While it’s easy to get sucked into the mentality of “I hate making decisions!”, I think it’s important to acknowledge that there are some benefits to decision-making (gasp! Yes, those DO exist).
What are some benefits of decision-making? To name a few...
It affords us a sense of autonomy and freedom to do what we want and like.
We can exercise control in certain situations. Compared to being kids when a lot of choices were made for us, we are allowed to make our own choices. It comes with the territory of growing up or “adulting.”
We can explore different paths. It’s nice to know there are alternatives rather than feeling pigeon-holed into one option.
Decision-making helps us focus and think critically about what is important to us.
What are some challenges of decision-making? To name a few…
You can get stuck second-guessing yourself and ruminating over your choices.
It’s tempting to get caught in a never-ending pros and cons list that feels like it keeps evening out. This can be a major time-suck and inefficient.
What seems like the “best” choice can feel really subjective. “It depends” comes into play a lot here.
Time pressure can make a difference in how a decision is made - both too little time and too much time can have consequences. This can lead to making impulsive choices or not being able to make a choice at all.
You may not feel like you have enough support in the decision-making process.
I could go on and list more challenges and stuck points when it comes to decision-making but I think you got the point…
“Just pick one already!” Tips for Making Decisions
So how can this process feel a bit more manageable? Here are some initial tips to get you started on breaking down the fear around making decisions.
TIP 1: Take the “Outside View”
I’m borrowing this tip quoted in this Harvard Business Review post. Psychologist Daniel Kahneman shares the idea of the “inside view” versus “outside view”.
In short, we often get caught up in the details of our individual situation and overthinking the “what ifs” of our one specific case. This can lead to a limited and an inaccurate or incomplete picture of our situation and the good choices that can be made. So instead, he suggests to take the “outside view” and consider the question “how often does this happen?”
Look at cases outside of your own and this will help you get some perspective. Stick to the actual data and facts about the probability of certain “what if” outcomes which will help you cut through the BS of some of your thoughts that are keeping you stuck and muddling your decision making abilities.
Even shorter summary: Get some perspective. Check the facts.
TIP 2: Repeat after me, Certain decisions are unimportant
For a perfectionist, this seems like a radical idea. Have you ever considered this?!
Part of the problem with decision-making anxiety is that the situation starts to control you (instead of the other way around) and you think everything is equally important and it’s driving you a little nuts.
The fact of the matter is certain decisions really don’t matter.
Believe it or not, you can choose to make quicker decisions about less important things because their consequences won’t impact you in the long run (like, which restaurant you choose for the group for lunch).
Focus your energy on those decisions that are most important. You can’t focus 100% of your energy on every decision you have to make all the time because that’s what leads to paralysis or this sense of overwhelm. Decision-making fatigue is real! You can reduce it by delegating your attention a bit more wisely.
This decision-making matrix by Dr. Adam Grant is so helpful. Check out this tweet!
Tip 3 (a two-parter): Set some boundaries around your decision-making process
Setting some boundaries around your decision-making process will help reign in the anxiety and the never-ending possibilities that your anxious mind likes to explore when it comes to choices. You can do this in these two ways:
Define a Goal
Remember one of the benefits of making decisions I listed above is “Decision-making helps us focus and think critically about what is important to us.” So remember to be clear on what it is you want from this decision and why. This why factor will help you clarify the important from the less-important distracting stuff.
For example:
Goal: I want to make a choice between two job offers. I want to make the choice that will offer me the most flexibility.
Why: I want to be able to spend the most time with my family instead of being stuck at an office, working overtime, or commuting.
Focus on whichever choice affords you the one that most closely meets your goal and your why. In this example, the job choice that allows you to work from home or the one that accommodates a flex schedule will be the one that’s most in line with your goals and your why. And that job choice may not be the same one that has the most prestige or better pay. But that’s okay - that’s the point.
Set a time deadline
If you’re someone who tends to spend way too much time researching your options and going down a rabbit hole of “what ifs” and mental pro-con lists (I see you), then set a time deadline for yourself. Better yet tell someone about the decision you need to make and by when you’re going to make your choice.
This will help you speed up the process so you’re not stuck in what can take forever and waste a lot of your internal resources.
Sometimes forcing yourself to have a quicker turnaround time can be more efficient, you can learn to trust your instincts, become better at gleaning the data you need, and with practice, you’ll get better at making decisions in an appropriate amount of time.
Conclusion
One of the common complaints I hear about why “adulting” is so hard is because of decision-making and the gravity of these life decisions people feel they need to make as they get older. What sounded like a good idea at first: “I can do whatever I want!” now feels like the bane of your existence: “But what do I want?!”
Practice these tips in the next decisions you need to make. You can relieve some of the pressure from yourself and move forward in the small to bigger choices you make.
It’s hard to find an area of your life where you don’t have to make some sort of decision at some point so these tips can apply to things like lifestyle choices (physical health, hobbies, shopping), relationships, and career decisions.
Need help clarifying your goals and making decisions? Having an important decision coming up?
I can help you work through your decision-making anxiety. Let’s work through it together and get you moving along with more clarity and confidence. Schedule a phone consultation with me today!