In the last 4 weeks, we have covered a lot of material about the myths that kill your productivity. This week, I’m sharing the last of the top 5 myths I see us believing that sabotage the process towards reaching our goals and the most important things in our lives.
Myth: You think you can and/or must do everything by yourself.
Truth: Enlisting help will increase your chances of success on your goals.
How often do you feel like you’re trying to get ahead on your important tasks and goals by yourself? You tell yourself and you tell others, perhaps with pride, that you can “do it yourself”?
A DIY succulent garden, DIY closet organization system, or a DIY household cleaner are one thing but trying to “do-it-yourself” through your entire day, week, or life, is a whole other thing.
The risks of trying to do it all yourself
There are some problems you will inevitably run into if you keep trying to “do-it-yourself”. To name a few, you run the risk of:
How I failed at one of my goals...at Target
Let me tell you a story about one of my various trips to Target. I promise this relates to this point of asking for help...
Have you gone into Target to get “one thing” only to come out having spent way more than you intended?
Credit: https://www.postize.com/target-memes
I walked into Target one day with the full intention of only getting some new body lotion. I told myself: “Just body lotion, Yesel. Then get out.” And since I knew I was only getting the body lotion, I didn’t bother grabbing a cart or a basket. I mean, why would I need it right? I walked in and the first thing I saw was that dollar section with the “bips-and-bops” as I like to call them.
Alright, I’ll grab a couple of these, a couple of those, and okay okay, time to go to the section with the lotion. Focus!
So I had one armful of things but no biggie. I kept walking till I hit the stationary section. Oh, they had a sale on this, on that...then I had an armful and a handful of items. You get the gist, right?
Me at Target after I said I was only getting body lotion…
By the time I got to check out, my left arm had literally cramped up from holding items together in the most awkward position and I had to put down other items in my right arm to readjust and try to hold together my “no longer only-body-lotion” assortment of goods. (See picture)
What does all this have to do with asking for help and not trying to do it all yourself? Imagine if I had tried a different approach to this situation?
→ Had I asked for help and told my partner before we went in, “Hey, I only want to get body lotion. Can you help me by reminding me if I get sidetracked?” How do you think this would have made a difference?
→ What would it have been like had I also taken a basket just in case, and not tried to hold literally every item by myself? Could I have avoided the sore cramped awkward left arm?
→ How could I have avoided the financial costs I accrued by setting into place some environmental barriers? For example, by giving myself a time limit in the store, only taking in enough cash to cover the lotion, or asking for help from someone with me to keep me focused?
In case my Target anecdote isn’t driving home the point, the point is this: When we try to do things by ourselves, we run the risk of becoming too isolated in our own habits and ways of thinking. This can often lead to sabotaging our process and acting counter to what we initially intended.
Learning Doesn’t Equate Action
Just because you learn something and tell yourself it’s important doesn’t necessarily equate action.
How many times have you listened to, watched, or read something inspirational and thought to yourself “I’m totally going to try that!" only to do nothing?
Don’t worry. You’re not alone. We are all guilty of getting super pumped about something because we feel all the feelings and our minds are blown by something inspirational and important. But merely being intellectually or emotionally stimulated doesn’t equate action. Changing our behavior requires much more willpower, personal accountability, internal motivation, and a series of small habit-building actions. And you certainly don’t have to go at all this alone.
Just like there are risks to trying to go at it alone on our goals, there are several benefits to asking for help.
The Benefits of Asking for Help
Being accountable to others will help motivate you.
Think about the times you were able to achieve something like a big project or you had success at something you were proud of. Did you take on this project and persevere through it all on your own just for yourself? Most likely there was a person or people who held some set level of expectation for your performance and the outcome.
Your feeling of accountability to your boss, a mentor, your employees, or even your spouse or friends is a key motivating factor that helps move us forward when just our own internal motivation may not necessarily cut it.
Did you know?
By writing down your goal with a plan, you increase your chances of succeeding in accomplishing it by 10x!
According to a study by the American Society of Training and Development (ASTD) on accountability, they found that you increase your chances of success of completing a goal from 65% to 95% if you have a specific accountability appointment with a person you've committed.
So consider enlisting help from someone you trust and respect (not your best friend who is more willing to let you off the hook) so you can have more motivation to act, instead of staying stuck and isolated on your own.
Attitudes are contagious: The people around you matter
Not only is the mere presence of the people around you important, but the quality of those people and their attitudes are important.
Take a minute and assess the quality of the people around you. What kind of attitudes do these people hold about their own lives? When you get excited about something, how do these people respond to you - do they match your level of excitement or do you have nay-sayers in your circle? Do you see the people around you also striving to achieve important goals and work towards things they value, or do you find that people around you lack direction and are stuck?
The environment around you which includes the people you surround yourself with plays a large role in the messages and habits you adopt. Just like the food and drinks we ingest make all the difference in our energy and health, the voices we hear and the behaviors we see modeled around us make all the difference in terms of what we chose to believe and how we choose to take action.
Asking for help helps prevent burn out
Those who tend to do too much by themselves often burn out quicker. Perfectionists and people-pleasers often believe that being “perfect” means also doing things on their own. But this can contribute to a lot of fatigue, anxiety and undue stress. Think about the last time you thought to try and take on a task and you tried to white-knuckle through it by yourself? How long did it take till you felt too tired and unmotivated to persist? Perhaps you started to get in your own head and become overly critical and harsh? Remember this process is a long game and one of the best ways to conserve the emotional, physical and mental energy you have is by enlisting the support of others around you.
Conclusion
Trying to do it all by yourself can sabotage your chances of succeeding on your most important goals.
Taking action is what matters. Enlisting help will increase your chances of taking and maintaining action
Have you read all of these myths and thought “man, I really have a long way to go.” Take yourself off the hook. If you take a look on the internet for “tips on productivity”, you’ll most likely see contrary messages to what has been outlined here in the last five weeks. These myths may be someone else’s truth. At the end of the day, everyone is doing their best to achieve the most in the time they have which feels limited at best. What works for one person may not work for another and the key here is about trying something new.
Take a critical look at the beliefs and behaviors you’ve been applying towards setting and meeting your goals in the past and ask yourself “Is this working? Has what I have been doing been working for me?”
Maybe you have room to try something new. I encourage you to apply one of these tips for habit-building, productivity, and goal-setting, and see how this tweak in your mindset or behavior makes a difference.
If you’ve liked what you read today, remember to go back and read the other parts of the Five Myths that are Killing Your Productivity!
A recap of the Five Myths that are Killing Your Productivity - www.yyoonphd.com/blog for all five posts
Remember- it’s not enough to read this and assume it will lead to anything different.
Take Action TODAY!
Write down your goal(s)
Ask one person today for help on supporting you on your journey towards one of your goals
Write down a takeaway you’ve learned from today’s post and translate that into one actionable step for your goal
Share this blog post with a friend and discuss what you’ve learned
Consider getting support from a mentor, therapist, coach or supervisor. Who is that one person? Set an appointment with that one person you’ve committed to.
Shoot me an email or write in the comments below and let me know one way you can enlist help from a person in your life.
Need help drilling down deeper into how to gain clarity on your values, set goals, and learn how to take action towards success? I’d love to support you in the process of trying to instill these important principles into your life. Whether it’s through therapy, career coaching, or an in-person consultation about your questions and concerns, I’d love to help you get through any stuck points so you can build success towards your goals. Contact me today and schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation.