Have you ever felt complacent and bored with your life?
Have you felt more disengaged with your life lately?
When you’re not feeling so excited or enthusiastic about your day to day routine, your job, maybe your relationships, then it’s hard to feel motivated to get up in the morning with a positive attitude or remain motivated and productive throughout the day. It’s not to say that we all need to wake up feeling like birds are singing and dressing us in the morning
But wouldn’t you feel a lot better if you had more enthusiasm and a sense of “this is why I am doing what I’m doing” in your life?
Today I’m going to share how to get more engaged in your life and to get out of this rut.
Last week I talked about burnout. I went more in depth about the signs of burnout that come from chronic stress and being physically, emotionally and mentally overloaded. What I didn’t tell you is that there’s also a flip side to the burnout curve.
Do you notice the left side of the curve that reads“Too little stress”?
Let’s talk about that.
Stress Curve from Dr. Laura Brown, MD found at http://forwardhealth.ca/simplifying-stress/
I know that the words “too little stress” might sound almost like a dream for some of you. “You can have too little stress?! Give me some of THAT!”
Not so fast.
Let’s think about what life might actually look like if you’re in that “too little stress” place. Believe it or not, we’ve probably all been there.
At the beginning of this post, I had you think about times you were complacent and bored with your life. Times when you may have wondered “What’s the point of this stupid job?” “Why am I giving up so much of my time for these relationships?” Times when you may have woken up feeling anxious or a sense of dread for the day to come.
If you have felt this way at any point, then those are signs that you were indeed in that disengaged “too little stress” place. And it doesn’t sound like it was a pretty place to be either, am I right?
One of the contributors to this sense of dissatisfaction and disengagement from your life comes from when you’re not really engaging mindfully in your daily life. In other words, you’re moving from one obligation to another without noticing how you’re feeling and without knowing why you’re doing what you’re doing.
Why does this matter? Here’s what “underload” looks like:
Mindlessness
Boredom
Lacking motivation and drive
Laidback (but not in the “chill” kind of way) more like, to the point of “IDGAF”
Think of it like walking around through your life with a perpetual eye roll.
When you don’t feel like much is on the line and not a lot is at stake in your day to day, this can be just as dangerous as when you’re feeling like everything you do is of ultimate importance and you must engage at all points in time. How are they both dangerous? Because both mean you’re not fully aware of what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. And when you keep moving through life at either pace - underloaded or overloaded - neither is a good set up for a happy, fulfilling, meaningful life. You’re probably going to feel like life keeps passing you by.
Do you want to find more meaning in your life and feel more fulfilled by what you do?
What do you mean by “finding meaning”? And why does it matter?
We’re meaning-making machines. We, as human beings, love to make sense of our experiences and stories. We like to know why something is the way it is. And when something doesn’t make sense and we don’t have a clear sense of why something is happening the way it is, we feel unsettled. And if you feel unsettled and anxious for long enough, you’re more likely to check out and give up on trying to understand what’s at hand.
“One of the most important stories we have at hand is that of our own lives. Know why you’re doing what you’re doing and what meaning it has for you. ”
So how do I go about ‘finding meaning’?
People sometimes balk at the talk of “life purpose” and “finding meaning” because it sounds so abstract and huge. But I want to reassure you that finding meaning can look as simple as setting an intention for one day at a time. Even this act of thinking about what it is you want to do in any given day is hugely impactful and important in re-engaging with your life.
Try It Out: How do you want your life to look?
Close your eyes for a minute and imagine your life six months from now or a year from now. Just pick a time in the near distant future. Answer the following questions honestly and with abandon. The sky’s the limit as to what you come up with:
How are you spending your time?
Who are the people in your life?
Where are you?
How are you feeling about yourself?
What excites you?
The answers you’ve come up with to these questions are super important pieces of information! These are snapshots as to the things that really bring you more personal meaning into your life.
How do I create a sense of meaning in my life?
The answers to the questions you came up with are things that can start to be made possible now. Why wait six months from now or a year from now to have the life you envisioned?
Sure, I’m a pragmatist at heart, so I understand that there may be some logistical barriers to having your ideal life take shape right this minute. However, that’s still not an excuse to put off making your day more meaningful and fulfilling today.
For example, if you imagined yourself in a different area of the world with some important person who may be someone you haven’t yet met, then I understand you’re not likely going to quit your job and move to a foreign country today (or whose to say you won’t!). But, what’s important about your vision is that it gives a sense of what excites you and what you truly desire out of your life. Perhaps this is an indicator that you need to travel? Do you need a change of scenery to re-ignite a sense of purpose and passion for your life? Do you need to put yourself out there and start meeting new people instead of sticking to your same old routine and group of acquaintances? This is very do-able and realistic. How can this take shape today?
What is one thing you can do today to make your life more meaningful and purposeful?
Maybe you just want to start with this exercise and do it for a couple of days to get your mind churning. As I always say, start small and take one small action step today.
Photo by Ian Schneider on Unsplash
Conclusion
“Too little stress” is real and can be dangerous. It may not be an ideal set up if you’re left feeling bored, disengaged, and complacent for long periods of time about your own life.
You deserve to feel a sense of purpose and meaning in your own life. Don’t passively wait for things to “get interesting” for you. Don’t just sit on the sidelines and watch other people do things you wish you could do (e.g. I’m sorry but watching The Kardashians doesn’t count as living your best life).
Imagine what you’d really like for yourself and ask yourself “what’s one thing I can do today to make this a reality”?
Want More?
I write more here about this topic of “Finding your Life Purpose”. In it, I provide one activity you can try that has you to explore your values and get deeper into what means something to you and how that’s being reflected in your current life today.
Also, I invite you to check out this interesting TEDx talk by Terri Trespicio “Stop Searching Your Passion”
Lastly, if taking a more active approach to your life is important to you, feel free to work with me on clarifying how to make this possible in your life. I love helping people take steps towards being more actively engaged in their lives and discovering what those exciting, meaningful things are. I want you to live a fulfilling life and I would love to help you get there. Click below to contact me if you’re interested in working on this together!